【HP/FB 双语】GGAD通信集——三十五只猫头鹰(20)

我告诉自己，就算我去干涉，状况也不会有所改变，甚至我的指手画脚反而会让事态变得更糟。可如今这片生我育我的土地落入了黑魔王的手中，直到——是的，他被一个婴儿所阻止——但这一切之所以会走到这一步，就是因为我阻止得还不够及时，因为我没有在他还是个孩子的时候好好引导他，任他恣意生长；就因为我总是试图做得再好一些。

In a way, it seems the thing I miss the most about those months we had together, however selfishly, is how I could let youmand me. Abdicate responsibility to one I trusted—however mad I may have been to trust you. Abdicate responsibility at all; it's not a choice I have anymore. And you've been left with no responsibilities whatsoever.

从某种程度上来说，让我最怀念的，是在一起的那几个月里我放任你主宰我，无论这看起来有多么自私。将责任完全推给一个我信任的人——可我真是疯了才会相信你。我把该负的责任数尽丢弃，就只有过那一次。而你不负半点责任地就那么离开了。

I suppose we each envy the other. And I suppose we have nothing left to say to each other but denials and rejections. I—wish it were otherwise, at times.

我想也许我们彼此羡慕着，甚至是嫉妒着。我也在想，也许我们之间除了互相否认和拒绝以外已然无话可说。我——情愿我们并非如此，有的时候。

注：

1.“我一直试着做得更好一些”（段1）和“就因为我总是试图做得再好一些”（段4）这两句话英文基本一样，只是第二句多了“because”，和邓教两次提到自己的鼻子一样，都是在嘲讽自己在格皇口中“道貌岸然”“爱管闲事”“伪善”的形象。（nonono憋内耗了多多）

第二十七只猫头鹰

March 16th, 1982

Darling Albus—

亲爱的阿不思小宝贝——

You really are a contemptible bitch, do you know that I mean, that's magnificent. That really is. Over the top. Beyond the pale. When in all nine hells are you going to learn that it isn't all about your guilt Verdammter Schweinhund, don't you even remember why you won our duel

知道吗？你可真是个可耻的婊子。我的意思是说，你很伟大。这是实话。前无古人，后无来者。你是非得把九层炼狱都经历一遍才能意识到这压根就不是你的错吗？你这个该死的猪脑袋，你是不记得你为什么会在那场决斗里获胜了吗？

I know more of you than anyone else in the world, Albus P.W.B. Dumbledore. Go kill your Dark Lord and get it over with. Stop blaming yourself and be brilliant, like you used to be, fly free, let the world tremble before you—except that would mean cruelty, wouldn't it But every moment of your life is cruelty. Set down truth for once and admit it!

我比这世上的任何一个人都要更了解你，阿不思·P·W·B·邓布利多。去杀了你的黑魔王然后结束掉这一切吧。放聪明点，别老自责了，就像从前那样，自由飞翔，把世界上一切烦恼都抛却脑后——尽管那样做真的很残忍，不是吗？但生命的每分每秒都是残酷的。就这一次，正视真相，承认我说的话吧！

You don't have to lie to me, old friend. Oh, I'm laughing so hard at you right now. I've had you stripped and bound and begging me to bugger you—well, as much as you ever begged anyone in your life, you vain fool—of all people, you don't have to lie to me.

你不必对我撒谎，我的老朋友。噢，我现在几乎不能自抑地大声嘲笑着你。我曾见过你跳着脱衣舞求我干你——你一生中从未那样乞求过谁，你这个自负的傻瓜——在所有人里，你最不需要对我说谎。

Do away with Voldemort. Tell me why you won. Admit what you are. Or bloody well stop this nonsense and save your owls the trouble.

去消灭伏地魔。告诉我你为什么赢了。正视你自己。否则就停下这些该死的废话，别再去麻烦你的猫头鹰了。

注：

1.Over the top. Beyond the pale.这一句我译成了“前无古人，后无来者”，可它的本意是来形容极端的状态。直译不好听，这是我能想到的最贴切的中文表示。

2.Set down truth，set down的意思是放下、记下，但是怎么搭配都很奇怪。这里的含义我比较偏向于“记下”，既然记下的真相，也可以理解为正视吧，我就意译了。

第二十八只猫头鹰

June 27th, 1982

Grindelwald,

格林德沃，

The truth, as you asked: I do not know what you mean—why I won the duel I do not know. It should not have happened. I cannot do as you say. And I am tired of opening letters full of knives. Tired of feeling vises about my chest when your owls arrive.

关于你询问的真相：我真的不明白你的意思——我为什么赢得决斗？我确实不知道。它本就不该发生的。我没办法做到你说的那样，我已经疲于打开这些话里藏刀的信了，疲于经受迎接你猫头鹰时那种胸口发闷的感觉。

I miss our earlier correspondence. I truly do. I miss—you, even, the moments of kindness you used to show, all those years ago, before you left down the dark path entirely. The way you touched me, in consolation, when you first met my sister. But now, perhaps, there is nothing left but this.

我怀念我们最初的那些信，是真的很怀念。我怀念——你，甚至是，你曾经流露出过善意的那些瞬间，那都是多少年前了，是在你还没有完全踏入歧途的时候。最触动我、慰藉我的是你第一见到安娜的时候。但现在，除了这些，我们之间什么都不剩。